Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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