i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
