So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
