Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
