How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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