Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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