very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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