Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
