I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
