Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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