i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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