Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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