i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
