his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
