I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
