is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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