You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
