so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
