spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
