Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
