I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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