those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
