So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
