Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
