I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
