Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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