I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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