I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
