Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize