Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We named our party play list daddy issues
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
