u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This baby is an asshole
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
