It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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