I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
