i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
