WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
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So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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