Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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