Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
