My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
