Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
