Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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