Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
