Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
