I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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