He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
