We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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