i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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