Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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