so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
