this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
