How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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