You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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