Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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