Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
