They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
