I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
