he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
