she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
