Apparently you make a good broom.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
