If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
