Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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