Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
